I think of running as a supportive best friend who has helped me through so much and is always there for me. But I also argue with it and sometimes get mad or frustrated and need a break. When it gets really hard, I think about Crew, my son who passed away, looking down on me and being proud. That keeps me going. In the end, as complicated as it can be, my relationship with running has given me a lot. That’s what a best friend does, I suppose. That’s what love is.
I can’t say that running is something that came to me naturally. As a heavier kid, I was terrified of the mile trial at school, where other kids would run while I walked in the back of the pack, hearing, “You’re chubby, you can’t run.” It was a source of anxiety more than anything. But when I moved to New York City after undergrad and was looking for a sport to join with the smallest barrier to entry, running came back up. I decided to give it another shot and signed up for the 2014 New York City Half Marathon.
In all honesty, I didn’t know what I was doing: I didn’t fuel properly or accustom the way I was probably supposed to, but I loved everything about it. I set small goals to see what I could do. As a bonus, I lost a significant amount of weight in the process. The energy of the race itself was everything—coming down the West Side of Central Park and then running along 7th Avenue, seeing people cheering. I was hooked.
Afterward, Pepe Jeans Sneaker bassa 'BRADY' bianco blu scuro grigio to earn a non-complimentary guaranteed entry to the New York City Marathon in 2015, and then again in 2016. I also ran the Chicago Marathon in 2017. Running became a big part of my life.
The year 2017 was also when I met my now-husband, Christopher. Already on our second date, Christopher asked if I would want to have kids down the line because he knew he wanted to be a father. Two years later, we had the conversation again and together moved forward with the process. We found an egg donor, created an embryo, did the transfer, and our surrogate got pregnant. Our son, Charlie, was born in May 2020.
The first few months of the pandemic were actually nice for us: Christopher and I spent a lot of time at home, raising our son together. There wasn’t much happening in the outside world, there were no races. During that time, the runner part of me kind of disappeared, but life was good. Charlie was a great baby, super happy and adventurous, crawling out of his crib at 8 months. We wanted him to have a sibling close in age, so around the time Charlie turned 1, we decided to have another child.
We went through the same process again and found an amazing surrogate who had a healthy pregnancy. Everything went well. Our son, Crew, was born in August 2022.
On a Sunday afternoon, nine days after we brought Crew home, I put him in his bassinet for a nap and then took a nap myself. I woke up to my husband screaming that something was wrong. Crew wasn’t breathing. We called 911. The ambulance took Crew to the hospital. We did all we could. The doctors did all they could. Crew passed away.
Crew’s death caused a tidal wave and set me on a downward spiral. A lot of the issues I had faced at various points throughout my life were exacerbated by the circumstances. The amount of grief I felt threw me into a deep state of depression. What if I didn’t take that nap? Would things have been different? I turned to unhealthy ways to cope, whether it was excessive drinking or binge eating. At my lowest, I was over 300 pounds.
I wasn’t showing up for my family. I wasn’t showing up for Christopher. I wasn’t showing up for my son, Charlie. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t recognize myself, let alone find the happy person I once was. I became a shell of a human.
Eventually, I had to return to work, and the hardship worsened. I wasn’t prepared for coworkers asking how my parental leave was, having to share what happened over and over again, then watching their blank stares.
By the grace of God or a higher power, there was one Tuesday morning in February 2023 when I wasn’t able to get out of bed. I slept through two alarms and woke up to a text from my boss, asking if I was okay. I wasn’t. I couldn’t do it anymore. Instead of my boss, I texted Christopher, who is a doctor, and asked for help. With his unwavering support, I enrolled in treatment.
After I got sober, I began the healing process. There was this massive grief that felt like a hole in my heart that I had to find ways to cope with. Knowing what running once meant to me, part of the process was getting back to the sport.
BAPE STA M2 low-top sneakers Weiß treadmill for the first time, being 100 pounds heavier than I am now, running felt impossible. Turning it on, I was convinced I’d never get back to where I used to be physically. I tried to remember how I trained for races in the past. All over again, I started to set little goals—if all I could do was jog at 4.1 miles per hour that day, that’s what I did. The next time, I bumped up my speed just a bit.
Let's take a look at the upcoming Valentine's sneakers from Nike below, depression, and weight. Everything going on in my life felt so incredibly insurmountable, but little by little, I was moving forward.
Roos Runaway Chinese Red Chinese Red White Mens Lifestyle Sneakers community of people I could be a part of and who helped me keep going. I dove back into spirituality and reexamined my relationship with the higher power. The journey was very bumpy at times, trying to manage grief, sobriety, fitness, and the chaos of having a two-going-on-three-year-old, but I focused on progress, not perfection. It was those small steps that got me to a better place.
I set on running a marathon the same weekend I was about to celebrate a year of sobriety. I was scared to aim that high, but I knew I had to truly challenge myself. To make strides, I had to live in discomfort. I gave myself permission to be a little bit selfish at times to improve my mental health. They say to put your oxygen mask on before you help anyone else—I couldn’t show up for my family until I could show up for myself and get to a better place.
On February 10 of this year, two days after I celebrated a year of sobriety, I ran the Hilton Head Marathon with my brother JP. Despite our relationship becoming strained over the years, that day, he showed up for me. He is faster than me—even qualified for Boston in the past—but stayed by my side during the whole race until the finish line. At mile 16, when I hit a wall and flashes of the past year and a half came flooding in, he talked me through it, and helped me run on. The race couldn’t be harder than what I’d already been through.
zapatillas de running Skechers hombre entrenamiento constitución media ritmo bajo apoyo talón crying. JP crossed the finish line with me, holding my hand high. It was nothing short of incredible, all the more knowing that my story was just one out of thousands on the marathon course that day. The running community is just so amazing, and I challenge anyone who says running isn’t for them to stand at the finish line, watch people cross, and not be inspired.
The marathon isn’t the end of my story—it’s a chapter in something ongoing. I have many goals I hope to accomplish: I’d love to do the World Marathon Challenge, which includes seven marathons in seven days on seven continents. But I’d also love to just run a mile with Charlie—the other weekend, he ran in his first Rising New York Road Runners Event, and watching him do that was incredible. That’s the thing about running—it can be as big or as small as you want it to be.
By no means am I saying that now, a year later, I’m healed, but my life is in a much better place than I could have imagined it being when I was at my darkest. Thanks to, in no small part, my best friend, running.
Luke Carron trained with Runner’s World for the 2024 Credit Union Cherry Blossom 10 Miler.
Comme Des Garçons Comme Des Garçons x Spalwart low-top sneakers Black Runner’s World, Bicycling, and Popular Mechanics since August 2021, joining originally as a newsletter editor. When she doesn’t edit, she writes; when she doesn’t write, she reads or translates. In whatever time she has left, you can find her outside running, roller-skating, or riding to the beat of one of the many audiobooks on her TBL list.
